This is accurate as of this moment
and I know this will very soon pass but a bad day here can make you feel like you’ve a lousy job.
I had a feeling I could be someone
and I’m right. Work has been sailing a lot more smoothly for the last 3 months. It was my Pre-Fall buy in January that finally made me feel like I’m worthy of this job, especially after the at-two-points-disastrous September trip. (It was the M.K. buy and I went in overwhelmed and I was a mess right down to my stationery.) In January I was a lot more calmer and I did my work more...
There's a part of me
that’s quietly indignant about these events. These events I say, as if they are foreign and not part of me. But the truth is, it has everything to do with me. It’s the very thing that keeps me up at night. Not one for feeling like I got the weaker hand, I tell myself that if all fails,” I can always go back to writing”. I hate feeling outwitted. I remind myself what I used...
The pursuit of newness
is one shared by many. When I was writing, it was the first thing I searched for. What’s new in this collection? What’s the design philosophy? What’s the inspiration? I know a lot of people only cared if a garment would look good on them but I come from a school of thought where I’m genuinely interested in a garment’s back story. Is it a re-edition? “This blue...
I wanted to go somewhere I've never been this year
and I think did rather well. (I didn’t visit any new city last year.) I did Hong Kong, Bandung, London, Paris, Langkawi, Milan, Paris, Bali, New York, Milan and Paris, of which HK, Bandung and NY were first visits. Highlights? HK & NY. My Chinese and angmoh Manhattan. I will end the year with two more trips to Siem Reap and Bali. Like Kenneth said, for a broke girl, I sure get around...
a friend’s friend’s blog, following her accounts of design, copywriting, and other creative work. I most certainly miss being in a creative environment. Do I already wish to go back? Yes and a tiny part inside me questions how good I was. The odd copies I wrote, which I thought were interesting, weren’t particularly original. The occasional design input I offered… honestly,...
I've been feeling more
low and discouraged than high and satisfied since moving into the new job. Yes, the travels are great but that’s it. I feel really troubled :(
I'm on a natural high
and I like it this way. I realise this tumblr has been a collection of my sorrows and upsets so I thought I’d break that habit to record something joyous and wonderful. 1. NYC this Friday. 2. He texted me to update me of his whereabouts and I didn’t mind he took so long. It just felt ordinary. Now back to preparing to be majorly challenged and tested for this upcoming 3-week buy...
come back with a few short messages. It wasn’t quite as dramatically heartbreaking or cold as I had played it. I, in return, returned him with short, terse messages to conceal any good feeling. Then it just went cold - again. Where did it all go?
How is it
possible that The Book of Mormon is completely sold-out or costs at least USD$300 per ticket? I never knew Broadway shows sell like Madonna’s concert.
I have an extremely unhealthy coping mechanism
of dealing with people I can’t bear to hear from or am reluctant to speak to. I delete their phone numbers and all contact information from my phone. This creates that immediate impossibility to contact, leaving me isolated with just my thoughts. Of course, I do it with a whole heart that the person would contact me first but as the days pass, and neither party tries hard, whatever feeling...
I want to escape
the questions in my office about how Bali was. I really wasn’t trying to get an effect by posting those photographs on Instagram. I was just trying to record a moment that I felt genuinely pleased. The moment has passed and so have many other things and feelings.
I'm trying to
not think, not expect, not be stupid, not interfere, not dwell, not anticipate, not go out of the way, not be too eager, not feel… I’m trying hard to not try at all. This is frustrating. I’m so bad at this.
As long as
we are on the subject of men, optimism has never worked for me. In every other department - career, family, friends - if I believed in it, willed it, gave my heart to it, it usually comes through, and even if it didn’t happen the way I envisioned, some kind of goodness always comes out of it. But men or love is so difficult to grasp. It’s not something you can will to happen. Not for...
I'm such a woman
I get emotional when I’m tired.
This might not make sense to many
but on Sunday I was out with a male friend and he wanted my opinion as he was seriously considering putting down good money for a CK blazer. He tried three cuts on and each looked rather ravishing, what with the slim cut, shorter lengths and discreet designs, except some very distracting lines at the stomach. However what threw me off was that for one particular jacket, he buttoned the last button...
It's understandably hazy
after a party weekend and their words fade as I intentionally turn up the volume of Faithless’ Tweak Your Nipples (Tiesto Remix). I register what you say but I honestly am willing myself to feel nothing about it - except to give you what you want - so I can continue to bury myself in the song.
I don't know at which point
I taught myself to not like a certain person - if he was too good-looking, hung out with the cool crowd, had previous partners unlike me, or had a better physique or brain than I have. When did I learn to limit who I can like? And why did I learn it for? To protect myself?
I bought lube
because the sellers/makers on Facebook have a remarkable sex reputation. Somewhere in the comments a guy asked if it had been an enjoyable experience producing the lube and the seller/maker replied something to the effect of “it certainly was enjoyable perfecting the formula with my partner (who is also involved in the lube business).” I imagine wild, off-the-hook sex scenes of maker...
Today at work
I got an email from HR asking me to proof read my new name cards. I thought nothing of it as we recently had a new brand joining us and this might be an across-the-board exercise to update everyone’s name cards. To my surprise, my title has changed. It now reads, “Senior Communications Executive” (it previously read “Writer”) and I thought about it for awhile and...
I feel troubled
and I don’t quite know how to make it right. I know it’s a collection of problems, some the result of long-term under-rug-swept-syndrome, others centred around my own foolishness. I feel like this is always going to happen. The ups and downs, it’s becoming repetitive and while I can’t muster enough courage or strength to rid the permanent problem, I rely on short, quick...
call it a “rubbish weather” whenever it gets uncomfortably cold or warm. I had a rubbish weekend and it’s eating into my week. My uncle died. I lost my 2-month-old iPhone4s. My car aircon died. An external designer is giving me serious shit work.
Is it okay to say
you don’t wish to be alone, and will rather be in a relationship? Am I going to go through my 20s single, happy and sometimes unhappy? Spoken for, happy, and sometimes unhappy also seem like fun ideas to explore.
Sometimes all you need is
a good fuck or two to get over yourself. I don’t know if it’s the holiday or the prostitute weekend I’m going to have (fuck yeah!) or HK with the folks and sister next week or the fact I just got some that’s giving me this high. But you know what. Ain’t gonna analyse it. I’m just gonna ride the high till it’s time to get more.
like a bit of a bad stock. This feeling creeps in after writing samples are sent upon a company’s request, and a response doesn’t follow fast enough. At this point at every job-seeking process, self-doubt will fill the person. I think it’s universal. And I’ve no solution for it. Except to continue sending out emails, speaking to people and pray you catch someone’s...
I hesitated to get out of the car. Frankly I wanted to drive away and do anything but show up for work. But I did.
Buying a car might have been a spur of the moment...
Truth: it was mostly brought on by the fact that it was super sunny during those mornings I walked to work contemplated doing so. Jokes aside, deep, deep down, it stemmed from something inside me that felt defeated by Singapore and wanted to give KL another chance. Although the life in Singapore excited me more (I live in KL but I don’t exist here; I may not live in Singapore but I definitely have...
OH MY FUCKING GOD.
I finally had the talk
with my big boss and she encouraged me to stay another year, with a chance to take on a different portfolio or a summary of duties. She gets that I’m bored and uninspired, and perhaps “traveling to Paris or New York” will change that. We discussed brand management and she promises a new plan in a few months. Or less I hope. I really need something to look forward to at work....
He Won't Go
I haven’t been this impressed with a song’s composition and structure in a long time until Adele’s He Won’t Go. She wrote this song based on a couple she met. The guy was dealing with a heroin addiction and she sings from the perspective of the girl who stayed by her boyfriend through his difficult ordeal. The start of the song discusses the naysayers, the people who...
Airing my dirty linen
1. Tommy informed me today that Singapore is tightening their foreign employment policy. A lack of degree might be more likely to convince the authorities to not grant mid-level workers their EP. FACT: Beginning 1st Jan 2012, you need to earn at least S$3,000 per month to qualify for an EP. That isn’t as daunting as getting a degree since the move must not be motivated for anything les. 2....
I have friends
who care a lot about their professional lives. Proof? They have websites. Freaking websites where everything they’ve penned or designed or both are uploaded for the whole world to see - everyone from potential employers and admirers to stalkers and enemies. I’m not sure if you’re familiar with the concept of the internet but these materials are available at a click away, and it...
The colleague on my left
listens to Jennifer Lopez’s On The Floor at such eardrum-shattering volume on her earphones that I will immediately join her race to deafness with something from my iPod to prevent the disgusting choruses of Jennifer from penetrating my ears. I hate that song but I don’t trust my ears cause it may just grow to not mind it.
Today's my mother's birthday
and a phone call with her always set things into perspective but the kind that trips and fucks me up. It’s a thorny perspective because while I value the monetary remuneration that comes with working, I find it more important to be creatively and mentally challenged by what you do. She doesn’t think so. She thinks work will grow and mature into something worthwhile if you put enough...
of joy, excitement, lethargy, boredom, inspiration and indifference all at once.
It pisses me off
when people take creative short cuts. That is unacceptable. I can live with many forms of shortcomings but to be creatively uninspired is telling me you have given up. We can always begin by exploration. We don’t have to commit.
I wish I could tell people
H&M Singapore played a role in motivating my move.
Today I almost threw a fit
in the privacy of the washroom. I thought about a life faraway and felt helpless not quite sure how I can get there. I punched toilet paper into the bin and walked out pretending nothing happened.
Put a dick on it, Nordics
I’ve this crazy obsession with the Nordics. Mostly the Danes, Swedes and Fins-only because I’ve been there-but I’m pretty sure the Norwegians are fab creatures with blonde hair and blue eyes too, and we’ll go fucking at their many fjords. I mean look at The Whitest Boy Alive? (Listening to Golden Cage as I write this) Can’t go wrong, right? God bless Angelina my...
The problem about fun is..
You sometimes might go out of your way to have more.