and I don’t quite know how to make it right. I know it’s a collection of problems, some the result of long-term under-rug-swept-syndrome, others centred around my own foolishness. 

I feel like this is always going to happen. The ups and downs, it’s becoming repetitive and while I can’t muster enough courage or strength to rid the permanent problem, I rely on short, quick solutions and pray the calm or ecstasy, however short or long I get, is enough to keep me afloat till the next blow. I tell myself, “You’ve lost the right to complain” but here I am.